i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
