well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
