Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
