i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
