RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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