you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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