That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
