dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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