overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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