broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
