My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
