Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
