Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
