I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
