Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize