When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
