So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
