Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
