you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kiss
Puke
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
