i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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