im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
