I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
