Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
