I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
