Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
