you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
