Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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