WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
