I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
