i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
