So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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