i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh god it's open bar.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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