mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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