guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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