you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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