I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
