she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
