I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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