i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize