I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
