He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
