Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
