I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
