Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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