Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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