as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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