6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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