So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
