How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
