not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
