he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
