Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
