i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
