He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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