Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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