No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
