Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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