the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize