oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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