Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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