My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
