I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
