I smell stomach acid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize