I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
