guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
