Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
