Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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