i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
